Numbuh One on Romance
by Bit Star
Summary: Numbuh One talks about romance in fanfiction while Three and Five try to embarrass him.


Nigel Uno on Romance By JamesEightBitStar

The lights dimmed, and then the stage lights lit. Behind the podium was the be-sunspectacled leader of Sector V, Nigel Uno. He coughed, and tapped the microphone. Then, he gave his speech.

"People of the fanfiction community," he began, "I know our show is very popular with you. I know you love sending us on wild new adventures and speculating on what the future holds in store for us. But please, I beg of you/please stop writing romance stories/

"I know it seems silly, but trust me, romance fiction is the absolute worst experience I have ever been put through." Even as Nigel said this, Kuki and Abby walked on the stage and stood upon either side of him. "Ever since reading some of them, the two female operatives of my team," Nigel continued, "have taken to using every opportunity to embarrass me in public."

That this very moment, both Kuki and Abby kissed him on the cheeks. Then their eyes fell on each other, and Kuki said "Back off, he's /mine/"

"Nuh-uh! Numbuh Five saw 'im first!"

The two girls walked in front of the podium and stared each other down.

"Hussie!" Kuki continued.

"Homewrecker!" Abby answered.

"That's it, we're settling this for /good/ I challenge you to a duel!" Kuki challenged.

"You're on!" Abby answered as both girls pulled out their Gameboys, linked them up, and played a game of Yu-Gi-Oh.

"The event you are all witnessing," Nigel said once the girls had stopped fighting, "Has been part of my everyday existence for the last week. ever since both Numbuh Two and Numbuh Four came down with a 'mysterious illness' and went home.

"But the point is, all this romance has wrecked the team and been nothing but a detriment to our mission! I mean sure, I love getting a free burger every couple of days, and the attention is kind of cool too, and all that... but seriously! I'm a man of action, not a romeo! I need to be out in the field, stopping evil adult plots! I mean, I'm sure that while we're at home, getting loved up and coming down with 'mysterious illnesses', that the adults are out there thinking of the perfect way to wipe us off the map once and for all! We're wasting valuable time! I mean come on guys, what would you rather me do, get lovey dovey with one of the girls, or /kick adult butt/"

"Kick adult butt!" Was the unanimous cry.

"THANK YOU!" Numbuh One cried out. "There, since we're all agreed..."

"Though I personally think Nigel and Abby would make a cute couple," said one of the fangirls in the audience, causing Numbuh One to pause with surprise.

Another fangirl chimed up, "No way! He's got Lizzie, and Lizzie's the best there is!"

"Heck no!" Came a distinctly male voice, "He should get together with that cute Numbuh Three!"

"He can't! He has to dump Lizzie and then get together with my original character!"

"Forget original characters, Nigel needs to get together with /me/"

"Hey! No self-insertion couplings!"

"Yea! Stick to canon, and that means he sticks to Lizzie!"

"But he could always break up later!"

"No he won't!"

"YES HE WILL!"

And at this point, the audience of KND fans got into a bitter, bloody brawl.

Numbuh One smacked his forehead, and then screamed into the microphone, "EXCUSE ME? Did /anyone/ hear what I just said? I don't /want/ to be coupled! Neither do Numbuhs Two and Four! And the girls... well, okay, I don't know about them. But still! Look, if you guys want to see romance so badly, GET A DATE!"

And with that, Numbuh One left the podium and walked off the stage, closely followed by the two girls.

When they were behind the curtain, Abby said "You know, that was a rather rude way of ending the speech."

"I don't /care/" Nigel answered. "I just wanna go home."

"But I was gonna buy you a burger!" Kuki complained. Suddenly a tone came from her game, and she said "Awww, now look! I lost cuz I was distracted!"

Abby smirked. "Looks like /I'm/ buying that burger."

"No you're not! I wanna rematch! We're gonna play FAIR this time!"

Numbuh One looked at them with extreme irritation, anger, annoyance... and then finally said, "I give up. Let's have a burger."

Later, at the treehouse, Abby and Kuki made preparations to return home.

"Sorry about your mysterious illness, Numbuh One," Abby said to Nigel as he lay in the sofa, covered by a blanket, wearing an ice pack on his head, and with a thermometer in his mouth.

"Hope you get better soon!" Kuki agreed.

"Thanks. I'll see you both next week. Enjoy your vacation," Nigel responded in a weak, gasping voice.

"You /sure/ you don't want us to stick around?" Abby asked.

"I'll be fine, Numbuh Five." Nigel answered.

"Okay, if you say so. See ya later Numbuh One!" Abby said.

"Byeeeeeee!" Kuki concluded as she closed the door on her way out.

Numbuh One waited five minutes to be certain, then picked up a telephone and called a number. Upon recieving an answer, Numbuh One said, in a voice that was no longer gasping, "Hey Numbuh Four, want to get Numbuh Two and hang out? No no, the girls went home. Okay, see you at six!"

THE END 


End file.
